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Going down on your girl while listening to indie hip-hop trio CunninLynguists isn’t as an amusing of anecdote as you think.

You should always share your drugs with your rented William Blake, especially if you see that he’s stumbling.

Never joke about heroin with junkies who spent the early 00’s listening to Dashboard Confessional, unless you’re prepared to listen to dour tales about how their friend Mousey died in the back of a Taco Bell bathroom. Also, don’t respond to their sad story with “speaking of which, I could really go for a quesadilla right now…”

Stop smoking Sour Diesel prior to doing a poetry reading, stick to the gin. Otherwise the words will spread and you’ll recite half as much to half the applause.

Poetry on the Bowery is as beautiful as cheap prostitution. But it’s time to sell your body, anyhow – they’ve begun putting Sedaris in textbooks.

Remember to thank whoever refilled your wine that night. One can always use more wine.

To show my gratitude for the warm reception in Jersey City, here’s some new Joey:

We definitely could use some new Mood Muzik, homey…

More new work coming soon, I promise. But, for now, I have updated the Official Material section.

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