never enough time (outside)

30 Sep

————–

never enough time (outside)

 

I tried to please her

while she just wanted me to ask permission

and apologize

like a crucifix at the bottom of a donation plate

like the asshole that caused the pestilence

outside the BuyRite Liquors on 28th street

screaming as though either wanted or underneath a saintly hallow

taking his vow of poverty to heart

taking it all in

and I

as placid as I’m usually done in by early afternoons

after walking outside

as always

only kissed her

and that kind of sentiment was met like a needless abbreviation

an uncomely decoration in a letter longhand

but she did have a sprinkle of serendipity in her

just a dash

a little tangerine colored, kindled spirit twinkling whimsically

a jejune little pout

a child’s mournful lips left without dessert

an unready schism into a maudlin defiance

so she kissed me back like a firing squad at dawn

an order executed with impenitence

and, after this month’s check

and a few pills  

as pretty as Harlem fingernails in summertime

she cried for Vidal like I drank for Salinger

when I woke up that January

a few years back

from your phone call

cigarette first

“Buddy Glass has died”

I smiled, too weak to anguish

and then read it all online

and knew that it would be reduced to lawsuits

and other things that paradise has lost

if it ever existed outside an opportunity

for a new lover’s madness

a revelation or two in the smoke of a bar willing to bargain

between a comical murmuring of the dispossessed and a few dollars in the tip jar

a good book that meant something after each unraveling

a ravenous memory

and then again

I smiled because nothing is forever

and I’ve got my own deadlines to make

so now I only kiss you

when I walk out of liquor stores

no matter who’s preaching outside

I have suffered exigencies to consider

and never enough time

———-

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